Saturday, November 29, 2008

Having More Kids

aka My Reasons for Wanting Kids Without Big Age Gaps
(the other side of the coin in italics... so as not to be totally one-sided, plus, everything can be turned into something positive, or at least, workable/livable)

~ I got married late. I hope to be finished giving birth at age 35 and I am now 31 (with a one-year old). Hopefully, i'd have two more.

~ My first pregnancy was a difficult one and I fear that age might complicate the next ones. So I want to give birth the youngest I can to all three, without totally compromising my body, my sanity and the family I already have. So giving birth every two years sounds ideal for my circumstance.

~ I am not easily impregnated. I fear waiting longer would also lengthen the waiting period (or challenge my fertility more because i'm polycystic and irregular at best)
(although pregnancies in a woman's 30s and 40s are more at risk of complications to both mother and child, technology and modern medicine has come a long way to come to their aid... conception is also facilitated by many different kinds of fertility treatments now)

~ I quit my job to be as involved as I can in my child's life. I also dropped my subjects because I couldn't manage it with my son's demands. I want to be able to give the same level of devotion to the younger kids. But I also miss certain things that I cannot fully enjoy with a baby. So might as well have kids who will cease to be babies together than to already be enjoying night outs again only to have to stay home again for a squalling, needful child. The culture shock of switching roles and giving up social enjoyments is costly to one's sanity, believe me. So I hope, by 40, I can do other things for ME again without worrying over an infant or toddler.
(I can have those ME times if I really want them, i'd just have to adjust my thinking and adapt another lifestyle and maybe adjust my standards... like weaning a child early so I can go mountaineering already, getting a yaya so I can have nights off more regularly, etc)

~ They say a plane uses around half of its fuel/energy source upon taking off. The same is true for mothering babies. So I want to have the next ones when I still fully remember attending to one. I don't want to have already adjusted to a pre-schooler and then have to learn all over again handling an infant.
(Learning to nurture is like riding a bicycle. Although it will take effort again to adjust to a wee one, it still wouldn't be as hard as learning for the first time)

~ This is the youngest i'll ever be and I really want to have babies when I still have the energy and the health to run after them. I also don't want to be sick or dead at 50 and leaving children behind.
(on the upside, having kids later may mean they'd have gentler, more mellow parents... not one quick to anger or frustration. And kids are resilient, so as long as other capable hands will be there for them, they can still grow up happy.)

~ I am hoping to homeschool my kids. So having them with close age ranges will mean i'll be finished with homeschooling sooner rather than later.

~ I fear that bigger age gaps make for more jealous older siblings. I think that the younger a child is, the easier he accepts the new one and makes room for it as opposed to an older child, who has to give up more years of 'baby' role.
(then again, having a much older sibling will mean extra helping hands for the new baby and someone who you can communicate his feelings of jealousy and displacement at a more verbal level)

~ Young babies limit one's choices in travelling and going out, and an older child might want or ask for outings which we cannot accommodate because of a baby. I want to limit those possibilities so the older child wouldn't feel restricted so much by the younger child, and when they're more grown up, the younger child wouldn't feel so denied/left behind by the older child
(parents can still manage these through a divide and conquer scheme, wherein one parent goes with the older child while the other attends to the other... besides, children will also have to share their parents anyway and be considerate of everyone in the family, even if it's their birthday)

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