Friday, September 11, 2009


I cried twice tonight because Yakee was giving me his sad, pondering face. It's not that he was being difficult about not being able to nurse, but he's looking so bereft and sad and lost... sigh.

So despite the drugs, I now can't sleep because am super stressed.

And it's not that I miss the nursing. If truth be told, it's actually very liberating for me to have my boobs all to myself again. But I miss the look of complete trust and surrender in my son's face and demeanor when he nurses. I miss holding him that close that many times in a day. And I certainly don't want to relinquish the power of nursing as a cure-all for anything that will scare and hurt him. Sigh.

I have a plan. If I still have milk and he's still interested after i've taken all the meds, I will nurse him again. But I will only nurse him during the day and not anymore at night. So we'd prevent dental carries too. But I will introduce meme as the alternative sleeping, soothing ritual in exchange of the milk. I hope it works. :)

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