I'm one of those people whose temper goes from zero to ten. No in between. I'd be patient and calm one minute and suddenly, am mighty angry and rabid as hell.
Unfortunately, it's not good if am parenting my child because he doesn't get any warnings at all when am going to combust. So there I was, patient and loving one minute, trying to help a post-Holiday Yakee to settle back for his afternoon nap when I suddenly lost it because Yakee kept trying to poke my eye out. I started spanking. And it wasn't calm, controlled, numbered spanking either. I was not screaming but my voice was raised also and I was shaking with anger. Then later on, with guilt.
I was spoiled with over a week of having others to help me care for him. Pappie was there, for one. He was also spoiled with having other people to entertain him. Today was the first day that we're left to our own devices and Yakee didn't wake up happy to start with because I was not in bed with him, I was out hanging the clothes I washed last night.
After my son has calmed down, he started telling me again and again "I Love you" (Awahu). Sigh. Then we played with clay, and he asked for HOT MILK and bread. Now he's there, playing the drums. And am very calm again. But I also hate what happened.
I vowed to be a better Mom and am not making good on that promise.