How Does a SAHM Get Sick and Manage?

Thankfully, I have a loving husband.

And a cousin to help.

And a very empathetic, understanding boy.... half the time. But half the time, of course, he was acting up for attention and interaction. Something I couldn't give him at all because I was really feeling feverish and woozy all the time. Everything I ate also upset me.

Sigh.

I felt so bad not even having the patience to read to him properly. But I know, deep in his heart, he has forgiven Mommy already.

Sharing a Blanket

Ever since Yakee was born, we shared a blanket. I had him in sleeper suits as an infant but since I was breastfeeding, we shared a blanket. No matter how he'd roam the bed, he'd always find himself beside me anyway.

But now, he's a lot bigger already. And he still roams in his sleep. And I no longer breastfeed so I don't need to be waking up all the time to check where he is. So I decided to give him his own blanket (malong) to sleep with.

During the first few nights though, he'd sleep restlessly, as if looking for something that isn't there anymore. I guess it's our combined warmth in a blanket that he misses. Well, he gravitates towards his father's butt during the night anyway, wrapped in his malong, so I can also say he adjusted pretty well.

Mommy just hs to give up claim on her malongs though. I have been sleeping with malongs as blanket for around a decade now. Now, I have to share.

Roadtrip Fun to Tagaytay

I really love my husband more forbeing the one to propose the impromptu road trip to Tagaytay yesterday. We were just in time for some daylight left for the kids (my son and nephew) to enjoy the animals in the zoo. Oh, how they WOWed over every cage.

The highlight of the trip was riding horses, and the kids allowing themselves to come with total strangers for the horse ride.

Pictures to follow but it was really great being able to show my son lions and alpacas, tigers and snakes, animals he's read off books.

One boo-boo though. Our car is an old model and doesn't have child lock. My nephew was able to unlock one of the car doors and open it! Thank God we were on a stop. I scolded the nephew and he ended up crying but I was really scared for a moment. Hubs and I realized we couldn't put off looking for a car with child lock and great auto insurance quote anymore. Kids are always going to be curious anyway and it's not like they were unattended at the back.

But we still had great fun. And nephew wasn't traumatized by my scolding. And Yakee is still hyper from all the fun he had.

Starting with the Potty Training

Suddenly I feel that I have to start pushing Yakee in the direction of a potty trained way of life. Plus, he loves Elmo's Potty Time so am thinking he's getting groomed for it. Another thing going for him is that it doesn't take him a long time to poop. He's not like other kids/people who go through so many ceremonies before being finished.

I have been asking Moms how they went about it, as I am having issues with holding his peen as he pees. But he has exhibited more bladder control now because he can let go at the CR now. He just refuses to tell me beforehand when he really has to pee.

I wonder if having a cardboard display of his accomplishments, a potty and rewards chart, is imperative at this point. But I have tasked my husband first to bring him to the CR everytime he pees so he can instruct Yakee.

Good luck to us!

The Expanded Breastfeeding Act

Finally, our second female President has shown more support to the breastfeeding cause!

PGMA recently signed the Expanded Breastfeeding Act which basically:
~ requires all institutions (where practical) to establish lactation stations;
~ offers institutions (private or government) tax exemptions greater than the operational cost of those breastfeeding stations;
~ provides employees 'lactation breaks' aside from the usual lunch break;
~ encourages promotion of breastfeeding by integrating it in school curriculums; and
~ sets August as Breastfeeding Awareness Month

Hopefully, this does encourage more women to breastfeed and we can bring breastfeeding back as the norm.

*~*

Oh and I know I shouldn't react to stupid comments anymore but one of the commenters in that page was ranting about how providing lactation rooms was a waste of money... and shouldn't men be provided with masturbation rooms as well... Just goes to show why men's larger brains have fewer connections, all the protein in their system get wasted in their hands.

I Need New Shoes

I did not win Animetric's blog contest for the VNC shoes and the prize money for that Red Shoes thing.

Apart from the shoes I wore for my wedding, and a silver pair I use for weddings (which has started cracking by the way), my only decent pair is a red pair. I also have a pair of Adidas rubber shoes so am not likely to be looking at mbt ones. And then, the black flats I wear everywhere, with everything.

That's it.

I need at least one other black heels, especially since I am fat now and need the heels to make me look leaner by making me taller.

Unfortunately, my feet have been spoiled by not having to go out everyday and being able to actually wear flip flops instead so most pairs I try 'hurt' my feet without me having to walk in them yet. Hehe. Exaggerated, I know, but really, I don't feel comfortable with shoes anymore.

So yeah, I can relate to my son's dislike of donning shoes.

Letting My Child Roam Topless

I am guilty of letting my son roam topless some days now. Sometimes, I even let him take a nap in the afternoon with no clothes on, with the fan directed to him. It's just so hot and he also hates putting a shirt on.

I just thank goodness we're not living in metal buildings just yet, otherwise we'd all be getting fried alive in this heat.

I just bank on the fact that colds are brought about by viruses, but the old wives' tales refuse to stop ringing in my ears. Even when I've developed a habit of bathing him at night, I also still quietly fear colds while watching him play in his tub.

One thing that I feel has worked for us for real though is sock-wearing for him at night, when we have the A/C on. So far, colds haven't been plaguing him as much.

He Understands

Nephew spent the afternoon with us again yesterday which got Yakee more hyper and excited. Around dinner time, he wouldn't stop running circles around his Ninang, who was feeding him. Because he wouldn't listen, I put him on a timeout. Because he refused to listen, I threatened with spanking. He didn't listen, so I followed through with the spanking.

He quited down for a while then resumed his naughtiness, despite slipping and stumbling already. I put him in a long timeout until he cried real tears. After that, he was more behaved.

Later, I asked for a kiss. He kissed me and told me SORRY. I also apologized if I made him feel bad but reiterated that Mommy has to enforce the rules. Then he told me, "I understand."

Bwahahahaha.

*~*

This morning, I woke up at 6:00 AM to make some headway with my articles that are due. Yakee must have sensed that I was not beside him anymore and woke up, and insisted on staying awake.

I asked him to just stay in bed or play near me but to let me work. I just give him milk from time to time.

In the midst of my online research for HIV and leprosy, he came to me with his Tigger book, the one with a puppet in it. Like what I said, I couldn't turn him away when he wants to be read to. So I engaged him for a while with songs. Then I explained again that I had to work so he should play for a while by himself.

He did play again for a while then later approached me again to tell me, "Mommy, I understand."

I turned off my laptop and went down with him already to officially start the day... cooked omelet for him and his cousin too.

When your child tells you he understands that you are such an imperfect mom, what can you do? :D

We're Going to Marinduque

We're going to Marinduque come May again. I am excited again for my son especially he's stronger physically now and I need not worry overmuch anymore about him tripping and falling. I can give him free rein.

We'd also set up the TV there again and hook it now to our USB player. Watching our fave shows and my son's other fave cartoons at the living area with the sea breeze for ventilation will surely beat any home theater seating.

My son is even sure to have a good night and afternoon's rest all the time because of the sea breeze, plus he'd be tired all the time from all the things he'd be doing.



And I can just read to my heart's content on one of the tree houses. Talk about bliss.

Dressing Up the Boy

I attended a wedding with hubs last Saturday with the entourage all in coats and ties. There was this adorable tot around Yakee's age who just really looked so cute that I couldn't help but wonder how Yakee would look like in a tuxedo, a coat and tie (i'd love a bow tie on him) and a true-blue barong.

Right now though, he admittedly has more clothes than he can really wear. And he doesn't always like wearing what I want him to. A trick I employ though is make him choose between two outfits I really like so that he'd still feel that he was in control. What's hard is getting him to wear shoes because he's been spoiled by the lightweight Crocs sandals he wears all the time.

Hopefully, he will have more fashion sense than his Pappie and Mommy though. Good luck to me if ever I have a girl. Hehe.

Maternal Health

Something I wrote on maternal and perinatal health in the country made me realize all the more how lucky I really am.

Make no mistake, I have known and believed long ago that perinatal health had a lot to do with the mother's health. This is why I was really careful when I was pregnant: I kept all my OB appointments, took prenatal vitamins, read up pregnancy literature, ate right and tried my best to sleep well. I even got regular massages to ensure my body is relaxed and that I will avoid edema.

This is also why I sort of discourage women putting off having kids really late in life, and why I frown upon teenage pregnancies and lack of family planning (options) among the poor who have one child after another. A woman's body can only give of itself so long, and not a moment sooner than it should.

When I consider how much we had to spend for my first pregnancy, I do wonder where we'd get the same amount if I were to have another difficult pregnancy. But I really need not worry yet, if you consider the fact that I did give birth in Asian Hospital, not at Fabella. Between the two hospitals, I still have a myriad of other options to keep myself, and the baby, safe. Plus, my OB was a PGH specialist, so I can just as easily come to her at PGH.

But my heart really aches for all the other women whose lives or health get compromised after delivering a baby. And it does make it more annoying when my son refuses food while other babies out there don't even get fed, medicated, or just plain held.

Well, it isn't my son's fault that he has options. I swear, however, that I will raise him grateful for having choices.

May I do more to help women who feel they don't have much in the way of choices, then. Example is one of the best teachers, after all.

Too Fat Now

I have ballooned to a size that really isn't funny anymore considering I am not pregnant. And every little activity or task is making me pant that I may just need joint supplements soon and forego dreams of wearing a lot of heeled shoes again!

Sigh.

I hate it that part of the reason why I don't want to commit to exercising yet is because I still have plans of getting pregnant again and thus would get fat again. It is a shame losing weight only to gain it back... but, it's a big probability that I am not getting pregnant because I am overweight.

Talk about vicious cycles!

But Yakee is getting more dmanding and active. And he starts swimming lessons again two weeks from now. The image of me playing in the pool with him looking like a slob should be incentive enough for me to hit the treadmill again!

Praying for Janna

I was at the salon, reading a proactiv review in a mag while getting my nails done when I got a fellow Mom's text message that her eldest daughter has been confined in the hospital. Janna has been feverish for days but it was only today that her platelet count dropped. Dengue is such a stealthy monster.

My friend is now more worried because they're having their second daughter baptized on Saturday.

So please help me pray for Janna and her family, esply Mommy Anne. I really hope they caught it early and that Janna will eat and rest all she can so her body can work with her meds.

Beautification Drive

I was listening to a blogger earlier as she was raving over this mascara (Blinc Kiss Me mascara) and I was reminded again of how I should be working on my own beautification as well.

Aside from losing weight is a must, I really must start shopping for funkier clothes and do something with my hair. I don't need wrinkle removers just yet but maybe I should also give All Organic soaps a try. They say those with Shea Butter, rice bran, and coffee all help with wrinkles.

I need to accessorize as well, keep my foot spa dates and really be vigilant about moisturizing, especially in this heat.

I am opting to postpone any hardcore facial treatments to reduce acne scars on my face though till after the last baby is weaned. I don't want that many chemicals on me just yet. Hehe.

Gender Disappointment

When you think about it, boys can turn gays or little girls can turn lesbians. Girls may grow up not wanting to get married at all. Precious little boys may grow up to be hardened criminals. Your darling boy may grow up raping, abusing, or exploiting some other parent's beloved little girl. And that sweet girl you dressed in pink all her childhood life may grow up choosing to be a sex worker.

Despite all those grim possibilities however, Gender Disappointment remains a sad reality. It's also something frowned upon by society, considering that there are couples who aren't being blessed with a child. How dare anyone, indeed, to be disappointed over a healthy baby just because it isn't the right gender.

I feel sad and offended for girls born in Chinese or Indian families because they are generally considered as liabilities. We have heard of enough atrocities done to them, feeding them last, leaving them to die, throwing them away as if they're garbage. I also feel offended by parents who pay for sex selection procedures because I feel that's really tampering with nature. It's not like using ovulation charts or going on a specific diet or timing lovemaking where you just increase (or hope to) the likelihood of having a baby of a particular sex. It's like the difference between contraceptives and abortifacients, one gender is actively rejected, denied and/or killed.

But you know what? I understand gender disappointment all too well. I was not disappointed at all with my firstborn son's gender, because I really wanted our eldest to be male. But I long for a girl, have always dreamed to have a girl, was okay about having only girls, and know that something in me will die somehow if I don't have a girl.

And much as I long to dress someone in pinks and yellows (because it's cute!), I am really not that type of woman anyway. I am not girly, I don't have fashion sense and I don't swoon over shoes, bags and shopping in general.

But I have always dreamed of having a girl, someone I can relate to as a woman someday, someone I will empower as a woman in every way I know how, in every way I was not. Honestly, I have imagined baking bonding with her, pajama parties with her, talking about boys and love with her. I have imagined talking about the good stuff with her, like sex, sisters, marriage, mothers and motherhood. I have also imagined talking about the bad stuff with her, like rape and abuse and bad mothers.

I dream of getting her to breastfeed as well as adopting my other passions, my other advocacies. It's not that I want a mini-Mec exactly, more like, I want to raise a happier, more empowered woman than I will ever be.

I made sure to find a man who I know will be a great father to a little girl, because he is gentle and loving and I wanted my girl to grow up having such as a father figure.

I didn't have such fantasies over boys. It was only after having a beloved nephew and then having a son that I started imagining going on 'dates' with my son, so he'd learn how to treat a woman properly.

So yes, secondary infertility aside, I (we) would really love to have a girl for a second baby. And yes, I will be disappointed if it's another son.

Does that mean I will not breastfeed him though? Or that I won't care for him? Or love him? Or raise him as intentionally as I could? Of course not!

And if we had a girl, would I love Yakee less? Heck, the idea that I could love Yakee less spells i-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e to me. But I will love that little girl a little differently.

And yes, I will admit to aching for another baby, a girl, lots of times. I am thankful, however, that the aching has not consumed me yet enough to be depressed about it, or to want to take extreme measures for it.

*~*

It was Kris Aquino where I heard it from, who heard it from Donita Rose I think, that we shouldn't put a limit on God's capacity to give us our heart's desires. Just because we have a child already shouldn't make us feel guilty about wanting another one badly, same way that it's no crime to want a child who's healthy or a specific gender. There is nothing wrong in wanting more, even though you are already blessed, so long as there is nothing wrong about what you want.

Plus, the weird thing about love is, it doesn't get divided as you have more, or find more, to love.

*~*

I recently smiled at Mama Benz' frustration over people automatically assumming they want a boy, since they already have a girl. But since I now want both genders, I can relate with the annoying people. I mean, of course you'll wish parents to experience raising both genders, and having someone they can relate with in a level that is primal.

I still seriously don't know how I am going to teach my son how to properly hold his peen as he pees. But I know what I will tell my girl when she has her first period.

But of course, I know how that's frustrating for people who want the same gender for their next child. And it may put more pressure or anxiety on couples who are also hoping for a different gender.

*~*

Lucky are the ones with no real preference. Some people didn't daydeam as much as I did anyway.

Lucky also are the ones who are blessed with what they want.

Lucky still are those who learn to live with what they are blessed with.

And my heart and prayers go out to those who start aching for this in a desperate, unhealthy way.

*~*

And please don't bring up any "which would you rather have, a healthy baby boy or a special needs girl?"

First, that is very insensitive to couples who have likewise grieved over a special needs child. I doubt that a day goes by without them feeling hurt, angry, terrified and sad. But they all usually learn to embrace what blessing has been given to them. They have found rewards in the challenges. Just read Nella Cordella's birth story. Or parents blogging about Down Syndrome. Or Rachel Coleman with a deaf child and another one with cerebral palsy.

Secondly, it's stupid rhetoric. And I will not be ashamed to say that I have never, and will never, pray FOR a special needs or sick child. I am still mourning Pyro and I don't think any parent wishes to be challenged in so many different ways by a special needs or sick child. And if God ever brings one my way, I am almost sure I will die every day.

But I am a Mom. I will love that child, defend that child, protect that child. I am also sure I will keep finding reasons to live every day for that child. For all my children.

*~*

In the meantime, may God see it fit to bless us with a second child soon. And if it's not too much to ask, let it be a girl! Just hopefully, not as moody as me. Haha.

Behind with my Gossip

I have been real busy that I have been remiss about posting, and reacting, to celebrity baby arrivals and celebrity parents, in general.

I didn't even know that Matthew McConaughey, Padma Lakshmi and Rebecca Gayheart had girls!

Giselle Bundchen and Jenna Elfman, on the other hand, recently had sons.

Jamie Oliver and wife are also expecting again. I sure hope he didn't try the frozen diapers trick again, because it didn't work with their third child. But I sure wish for them to have a boy finally, just because they seem to be groovy and cool parents who are really in love with each other.

And Jim Carrey is already a grandfather!!!

*~*

Shiloh looks more like a boy now. And is being dressed like Brad Pitt (and I don't mean in a cute way).

*~*

All these news I got from Babyrazzi, of course!

Children as Exercise Machines

Pregnancy at a later age not only helps you keep the flab on, it also helps you gain the weight back (and more) immediately after losing it during the delivery and through the breastfeeding nights.

Tsk.

I have always thought, though, that babies make great exercise machines. They are human dumbbells that increase in weight whether you like it or not. You can literally grow muscles just by carting them and all their stuff around. Not to mention all the cleaning and picking up you have to do for the messes they make.

And then there's the running after them that you have to do. I think, between age 1 and 4 are possibly one of the longest, most physically trying times for a parent as a child zips around, unmindful of his safety. And the furniture/appliances or people he might break.

I just console myself that an active child, barring special needs, is a healthy child. And my son could just be the healthiest child of all.

Busy Summer Calendar

I still have FSL classes.

And plan on attending two reading workshops this summer.

And then there's my son's swimming lessons starting April 5.

And we're sort of planning to join my in-laws at Marinduque in May. I know, it's not like we're looking at Branson vacation packages, but our summer is proving to be one hectic time already. We still haven't decided about Holy Week, and I am itching, just itching to sell sago't gulaman in Lipa, if only for an afternoon. Haha. I just want to revisit a childhood memory when my own Mom made us sell such, as well as her homemade polvoron.

Sigh.

What about you? What are your summer plans like?

Help Me Comfort a Mom

Krissy is the wife of hubs' high school barkada. She gave birth last year to a beautiful baby girl they named Christianne Lucia.

Anya has been diagnosed with a slew of brain-related problems that are now resulting in other developmental and physiological problems. She is now deaf, has epilepsy and hydrocephaly. You can read all about her challenges and accomplishments at the blog her Mom keeps: Anya, a miracle everyday.

Help me comfort my friend.

Mommy Krissy posted this in the blog on how people can help them.

Prayer. Anya needs a MIRACLE and we believe it will be granted to her. We believe in the power of prayer. We pray to everyone in heaven of course. And we ask for the intercession of Mama Mary and all the Saints. Specifically we are praying for the intercession of Blessed Alvaro del Portillo. He needs a “documented” miracle to be a canonized saint just like Pope John Paul II. Anya will be the documented miracle that we will submit to Rome. Please pray with us.

Accompany us. Even your presence during a doctor’s visit or a blood extraction from Anya will be a great comfort to us. Anya’s liver has to be constantly checked so she will experience the needle quite often.


Visit Anya. Anya needs “aggressive” stimulation. Come over and sing her a song, carry her around, help her move her tiny arms and legs during a therapy session, let her smell you, touch your face, do a session of her stimulation cards, or simply talk to her. Just let us know ahead of time so that you can catch her when she’s awake.

We want the best for Anya and have dared to explore the possibility of going abroad for treatment if needed. There are 2 institutes we are looking at: Johns Hopkins Medicine http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/ and The Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential http://www.iahp.org/.

The Institutes will be in Singapore on July 2010 for “What to Do about your Brain-Injured Child Course.” That would be just the beginning as we intend to enroll her in the Intensive Program. We are currently raising funds for this purpose. You can also help us accumulate Mabuhay Miles at your convenience (just email and I’ll let you know how we’ll do it) since this would require frequent trips abroad.

I cannot imagine how Moms like her go through each day with a special needs child. I do know this: burdens are easier to carry when they're shared. So please take some time to extend kindness and cheer to her and her family. You can add Anya on Facebook too (Anya Orobia).

I like what Krissy said in her blog, something a friend told her. Anya may never be okay, the way we know okay to be. But someday, Krissy will be okay about things not being okay, most of the time. Let's help her reach that point sooner, so she can also be more help to Anya.

Lucky Mom, Lucky Woman

I am currently trying to finalize an article on maternal and perinatal health and mortality for thepoc.net. Briefly, I found out that at least 4,000-4,500 women and 20,000-30,000 babies die every year due to the mother's malnutrition during pregnancy, and complications arising from the delivery as well as pre-term birth and low birth weight.

Sad isn't it?

And the powers that be who are responsible in addressing this still seems to have their blinds closed. Politicians are all saying they're going to address this (at least, Mike Defensor was) but despite the women Presidents we've had, and the multitude of women senators, this continues to be a lesser priority.

I will admit I haven't even read the Reproductive Health Bill in its entirety, but I fully support it now because it is just really imperative these women and children are saved.

Anyway, I am a lucky woman that I was born in a middle-class family. I grew up having choices and practicing those choices. My body was mine and mine to give... And throughout my difficult pregnancy, I had access to great medical care. My son continue to enjoy great medical care as well as proper nutrition and a healthy environment.

Smoking Makes Breasts Sag

One of the things I found out while doing an article for thepoc.net is that smoking makes breasts sag. How? Well, smoking depletes elastin and collagen in the body and thus compromises skin tautness. What's more, it can also damage breast tissue resulting in more sag. Not to mention causing wrinkles and creases on the face.

This is one more reason to 'puff' on an electronic cigarette instead and leave the real smokes for those with a death wish. Smoking leads to so many devastating illnesses. And not doing so may just spare you that trip to the doctor for some breast augmentation.

Tired Mommy

Catching up with deadlines, trying to learn to use the YM version 10 and taking care of my child took its toll on me. Plus, I had to play loving daughter to my Dad who's leaving for the US next week and loving sister to my sis, who got me buying so much stuff, from Quiapo and Divisoria to boot!

Ask me now what POS systems are or get me to name my son's dinosaurs and I wouldn't be able to answer at all. I am that beat! To think I was already sleeping for almost 12 hours!!!

And then this week is another week. Let me go now to take some vitamins!

I Heart YM Version 10

I know this rave is kinda late... haha.

It was my SIL who first started using it. I loved YM 10's Video Call capacity which friends say is like Skype. My Yakee has gotten used to just talking to laptops actually.

But when I finally downloaded it and started using it, I had to contend with the mic problem. Mine wasn't working. I kept having to use a headset. At first I thought it was my laptop memory or because I was using Windows 7. Somebody took mercy on me and walked me through how to activate my laptop's mic. So now, Yakee is very familiar with his Ninang Grace again, who's all the way in Michigan. He absolutely loves chatting and it kinda feels like we're just in the same room.

So I really, really, really like YM Version 10. Technology is really cool nowadays too!

Bittersweet Moment

Sigh.

I weaned Yakee completely last February 14. His coping mechanism has been to teasingly ask for breast milk, pretend he's breastfeeding (even with other's breasts, haha), and to touch breasts (even of other people). But since he was really not nursing anymore and is eating properly, he adjusted just fine.

Anyway, sometimes he'd come to me and position himself as if he's breastfeeding and start sniffing on my breasts. Sometimes, he'd ask for milk and even say PLEASE. I tell him I don't have milk anymore.

This afternoon, I checked. I actually still have milk! It was a mixture of wonder and disbelief that I still have milk. And then I felt sad that I was depriving my son of something that I still have.

Then again, I did not wean him because I lacked milk.

I weaned him because I know, despite his coping mechanisms, that we're both ready.

No Hurry Alphabet

I have this fingerspelling chart near my son's diaper changing table. I put it there for me, mostly, but he's taken to 'reading' the letters there. He started with O and got to recognize more and more of the letters. When we're out, he'd 'read' letters off trucks and buildings.

I am in no hurry to teach him to read... partly because I do not know how to go about it. But since he finds it fun, I try as much as I can to teach him his letters. But he struggles with it half the time, still confusing a lot of them for me to want to continue. It's not that am discouraged by his mistakes, more like, I don't want to force the issue since it is not particularly critical for him to learn them already at this point anyway.

And then I got this bright idea of using glowsticks. Since it's pretty malleable, I shape it into different letters which make it more fun for him. It's really cool to do in a darkened room together.

I also realized that his pliable play dough can be shaped in letters so I sometimes use them to practice his eyes with letters being presented in different styles. It's fun for the both of us as well.

But he still gets it wrong a third of the time.

Guess how he gets letters right most of the time though? hehe.

He gets them right 90-95% of the time when I FINGERSPELL them! On one hand, I am one proud, happy Mommy over my son's uniqueness. On the other hand, I cringe because it's further proof that he's a physical learner. He just prefers 3D and interaction. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.