Around ten minutes after confirming that I am pregnant, I was sobbing in the dark while telling my husband of my sadness over having to say goodbye to the reality of only Yakee being there. Because right now, there is already someone else.
But I was also surprised at the rush of emotion for my son. I didn't know I will love him more, or my husband more, just because I found out we're expanding by one.
And there came again the old fears and concerns. And the hassle of having to deal with fluctuating hormones and the idea of breastfeeding again (when I have just weaned my son a month ago). Where to get the money? Where to get the energy? I certainly don't look forward to sleepless nights because I still remember too well how bad they were, or how badly I took them.
And yet there is also that inner peace brought about by the fact that we were blessed. And again, I am a really special person because I am the guardian of somebody so dependent on me for his/her survival. What a privilege to be chosen for this kind of responsibility.
Here I go again.
Here we go again.
I am sure I will be elated half the time, and gnashing teeth half the time.
There really isn't a dull moment in motherhood.
Chinese calendar says it's a girl :D I will do my best not to pin my hopes on that, haha.