Monday, April 19, 2010

I Hope if I Have a Girl

I hope if I have a girl that I will still let her have all the fun and learning she wants without worries of her getting bruised or darker skin.

And that I will raise her with complete confidence on her abilities rather than on her looks. And that we will spend more energy on what's fun and entertaining rather than what looks BEST on her.

I hope, if I have a girl, I won't be more protective and thus, more restrictive with her than what is healthy and necessary. I hope I don't deny her opportunities for growth just because I am afraid of what can happen to a girl like her. I hope I also assure her everyday that she is protected and safe. I hope I know where the fine line is and walk it.

I hope I don't mistake self-expression for tastelessness, and let her go attending Mass in short shorts and gladiator heels, no matter what age she may be. I hope I can teach her to wield her sensuality not as a weapon, but as an ability no more important than her intelligence and concern for others.

I hope I raise her with the passion and tenacity to pursue her dreams, and yet also choose to build her own home and bask in the glory of a happy family. I hope I raise her believing in breastfeeding, not because I am passionate about it, but because she has found her own reasons to give of herself that way.

I hope I don't raise her like a princess, fragile, pampered and out of touch with reality. Unless maybe a warrior princess, able to fend for herself and defend the things that are important to her.

And yet, I hope I don't get too paranoid about gendering her the wrong way that I go extreme myself.

It's already a given that if I have a girl, I will love and care and raise her a little differently. Aside from being a unique person with different motivations, she'd also be a girl with particular roles to play in society. But I really hope I raise her a person first and a girl second.

I think most parents are freer with their sons. Boys are expected to be rowdy and have scars and be dirty and so they have more fun. It's important my girl will have all the fun she can get. The years of double standards shouldn't start in her childhood, under my care.

I want her defined by her sex, not limited by it, so that she can grow up celebrating her difference. But before she is different, she is still a child first. A little person. One with as much dignity and potential as a boy.

It would be a shame to shame her into behaving just because she was a girl.


And heaven really help if I ever give birth to the most kikay of kikays the world will ever see. For I wouldn't want to curtail her personality either... but gawsh... I am so not kikay.

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