Saturday, February 27, 2010

Reinvented by Motherhood

I gave my first talk on parent-child relationship yesterday. I think I did good but there are lots of room for improvement. Plus, it was really hard relating what I had prepared to CICL cases. Admittedly, what I had prepared will work best for a two parent family with resources, not for struggling street families.

But anyway, the important thing is, I was really changed by motherhood. Now, I could relate with parenting issues in a level I couldn't before. Now I appreciate what parents must do, and how, when they don't, children suffer.

I have much to learn. I haven't even begun Grade One again yet. And there are much more dinosaur types I must learn, as well as arts and crafts and kinds of trucks. I still need to bring my son camping and watch him make his own friends, and fall in love.

All I wish is for us all to remain healthy. I don't want to see him confined in bed again with a pulse oximeter attached to him. I think that's really always the greatest fear in a Mom's heart. In a parent's heart.

But thak you son, for paving the way for Mommy's reinvention. I really didn't know I could be so much more.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Really At A Loss

I am really at a loss with my son's temper and habits these days. I really hate getting hurt so having him hit me with his toys, with his hands, having him bite me, kick me... that really gets to me.

I know I have not yet exhausted every means to teach him to stop... and I hate that he usually really acts up after I was gone... I guess I really need better time management so I can reassure him and reconnect after any absence.

Plus, I did something today that is only a little thing but it made me feel ashamed.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Weaning and My Son's Bowel Movements

I am positive it is not our imagination. My son's poop is really just more toxic smelling lately. Worse, his intestines seem to be adjusting to the lack of daily probiotics from my milk, thus the fouler smell and the lack of pattern. Even apples don't seem to constipate him enough to one or two poops a day.

Sigh.

And he's still trying to win the breasts back, haha. It's really bittersweet to be so missed. But I love our Sleeping Beauty routine in the morning, wherein I would refuse to 'wake up' unless he's kissed me already.

*~*

Was very grateful that hubby took care of him last night. We don't need home security systems too because hubby lurking in the shadows to scare me is surely enough to keep thieves away. Hehe.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Animetric, I Want the VNC Certificate!

This is my official entry to Animetric's blogversary contest.

I became a Mom around this time in 2007. Early February, I found out I was pregnant and three or so days later, I started spotting. And then I started my two-month bed rest. When I could go back to work, I wore flats because it was practical for my ballooning body, plus I really didn't want to be put on bed rest again.

After giving birth in October of that year, I kept wearing flats. In fact, I stopped wearing proper shoes altogether because I also stopped working. I also stopped meeting with friends or going places. Suffice it to say, I let my social life take a back seat to mommyhood. I let parenting consume me.

So flats were perfect as I had to carry a diaper bag, or my son, all the time. And staying home most of the time seemed practical. Trips to the mall and visits to the in laws and even travels out of town were all done in different casual footwear. Think flip flops and rubber shoes. I didn't want to invest in nice shoes that I won't wear, or buy nice shoes when I could buy my son treats. It turned out that I would tell my husband every two months or so that I am using the credit card to buy myself proper shoes, but I would always end up with shoes for my son instead. Or clothes for him. Or treats for nieces and nephews. Or groceries.

I stopped investing on myself.

And when wedding invitations come knocking our way, I give my husband grief for not having proper clothes (that fit) and accessories. It all became a vicious cycle which further depressed me.

But this year, I decided to reinvent the Mommy in me. I am still struggling with weight loss (or lack of it) but I have started being more vigilant about getting pampered. I have started buying more clothes for myself, even if they're a little more expensive than what am used to wearing. I have started buying more accessories. I even learned to use foundation and concealer. I have decided that I'd even wear lipstick at home, and that I will comb my hair even if I'm not going out.

I have recently succesfully weaned my child. And I have taken to wearing heels again to engagements I've set. Because I finally have a social life again. I go to sign language classes, I give talks on peer counseling and CICL, I attend blogger events and I go on dates with my husband. Heck, I am even going to give my first parent-child communication talk this week!

But I only have one heeled pair of shoes left. I have given my high heels and stilletos away before because I never thought I'd want them again. I didn't think I will have a life again outside of the home. I didn't think I will ever be this kind of woman again ever since I became a Mom.

But now I am this woman. And so I need heels, if only to celebrate how I keep evolving into somebody more.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Mommy and Son Went Shopping

Before going to Toys R' Us, I talked to Yakee and told him that we're only buying gifts for his cousins and that we're not buying anything for him... but that he can look and check out the toys if he want to. He agreed.

But twas Mommy who found a cute toy set... fortunately, even Yakee thinks that his new Farmer & Friends Dough Set is really cool. Now he knows who Mr. Potato Head is :)



But yes, Mommy is equally enjoying this particular toy set. In fact, i really love playing with clay with him :)

Friday, February 19, 2010

Looking Like a Mom

I now look like a Mom.

Unfortunately, I looked like my 27-year old friend's Mom. Grrr. I haven't received the picture in my e-mail yet but I really looked soooo much older than him! It's depressing!

Most of it is the weight gain, I know. But I guess I really have to update my wardrobe and look into night cream reviews already. I have been not-so-vigilant about my 'always looking good' bid for this year. I had vowed to always look as if am going out even if am only staying home. But when I stopped exercising because I was down with coughs and colds, I also stopped combing my hair again.

I hate looking like a Mom!

I should be looking like a Hot Momma!

Disciplining Blues

I know that what causes hair loss can be a multitude of reasons, like genetics, hair products, hormonal fluctuations and lifestyle. My Dad generally lost his hair from having to wear a helmet all those years he was working as a seaman. The heat was bad for the hair, same way that showering with warm/hot water can produce the same results.

Anyway, stress also causes hair loss. And I am at my wits' end with Yakee. At the Mass last Ash Wednesday, I resorted to pinching him twice because he wouldn't listen. And I didn't want to go home when the Mass wasn't finished yet. No matter how much I prep talk him before, during and after, he kept being a handful. And I was alone then so I was getting annoyed with all the kicking and naughtiness.

Then yesterday, I bit my own son. Hehe. Well, he was biting me a lot and we were at the timeout corner already and I didn't want to spank his bare bottom because he wasn't wearing a diaper. So calmly, I let him bite me again. Showed him the marks on my arm, and then got his arm and calmly bit him enough to hurt and show marks too. Then I tried 'processing' the experience with him till he 'agreed' to not ever biting again.

Well, he did stop biting me... but kept biting Ninang Gang after. He likes the reaction so he keeps doing it. Sigh.

And he wouldn't stop spitting his drinks. Arrgh.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Moms for Romance

Many parents have said this and in a way, it is also true in our case. Romance has sort of taken a back seat after our little one was born. Our bathroom is not set up for one but I have often wished for some sort of shower enclosures at least while showering because I can't lock the door on my son, but he insists on pushing it open to ask, "Mommy, what you doing?"

I remember before, hubby and I would check into a hotel or go to some resort. I'd always have vanilla-scented bath with me, or lavender, and I'd prepare a bubble bath for two. We'd take a bath together, just talking and sponging and tickling each other. Now, it's a long time again before we'd probably have similar romantic moments. Now, we're reduced to just heating up water for each other, making sure to put in towels and soap and other toiletries. I still make use of lovely-scented products though, like mango-scented lotions and orange-scented hair products. They give the bathroom more character, an ambiance even.

And when I feel like pampering, I give myself a homemade body scrub using similar scents.

So I hope other moms out there have the time and resources to play their favorite music, light up some candles and draw up a bubble bath, even if only for one.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

So You Want to be a SAHM

A friend is hearing the calls of SAHMhood. Maybe it's because her son is growing more engaging and reactive, and they did wait for him for a long time. Or maybe motherhood is really just transforming her into someone she never thought she'd be.

What does one say to someone like her that wouldn't be biased?

Ahh, but am sure she's heard all of it before, the pros and the cons. So I guess all I can say is the truth.

THERE IS NO GREATER PRESENT THAN TIME.

Money can be earned many different ways. A career can be established before a marriage, during, and even after the kids have gone to college. Success is measured many different ways. Two-income families are not necessarily more economically viable than a one-income one. Even people who have become redundant can reinvent themselves.

But children are only young once. They only need you this much for a short period of time. So if parents can give the present of their time to their kids, not just for a set hour or so every day, then I really hope they take it. Because it's a privilege that not many can enjoy, and it's a sacrifice with so many intangible rewards.

*~*

I have always gotten anxious over not earning as much money as I used to do, as much as I want to make.

And I have lamented about missing adult conversations, dressing up and having a real social life.

But I have never told a working mom that I wish I was back working. Usually, it's working moms that tell me that they wish they can be a SAHM too, even if only for a time.

That's how I know I am living a congruent life.

*~*

Prejudice Against SAHMs
In Praise of SAHMs

Income Opportunities and Time Management

It's not that am really, really, really swamped with income opportunities that I can suddenly afford Outer Banks vacation rentals or Bulgari accessories. But I do have spa money now and feel less guilty about buying more books. Payu2blog is being very generous and there's this new writing gig for the Philippine Online Chronicles. And Odesk gigs.

I am struggling with time management though. And heaven knows, Facebook doesn't help. What I do these days is sleep with my son at ten or eleven and set my alarm to wake up at two or three in the morning so I will have quiet time and I still had some sleep. If am lucky, i'd fall asleep again and wake up with my son around nine or ten in the morning. The rest of the day, I do all my non-serious work like updating my blogs, Facebooking/Plurking, and digiscrapping while also playing with my son, watching videos with him, reading to him and dancing for him.

Whew.

I should be more focused in my work though and not let other sites like Babyrazzi distracting me! I need more sleep! And I need to exercise regularly!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Without a Destination Still

My dream Orlando vacation is still around five years from now because am hoping it will coincide with our 10th wedding anniversary. Plus, Yakee (or the kids) are more likely to walk than insist on being carried by then.

But we still haven't decided on a vacation destination for Holy Week. I am seriously getting bummed!!! We're not getting cheap airfares for local destinations and well, going abroad will entail much more moolah than I'm ready to part with.

We've been meaning to go on a road trip sans plans, but with a kid to consider, that wouldn't be very practical resources-wise. Sigh. Where to go!?!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Stressed Joints

Being overweight puts undue stress on bones and joints. And with all the chores a mother does, and all the carrying we do, I wouldn't be surprised if sooner or later, you start talking to your doctor about the pros and cons of taking glucosamine sulphate.

But this is where diet and exercise comes in, especially exercise. Because you can be whistle thin and still be a candidate for osteoarthritis. Exercise keeps our bones and joints functioning at optimal level. I am, however, still finding it hard to include lunges and squats into my daily chores and activities with my son. But I really should work on it already lest I balloon into something I won't recover from.

My Crocs Problem

My son only has one original pair of Crocs. The rest are fake Divi buys, bought not because I want to follow a fad but because I really love the material. It's lightweight and perfect for my son's growing, still-malleable feet. Plus, he prefers it too. These cost between P50-75 per pair so I felt justified about having so many pairs for him.



Not here is a yellow pair, original ones from my SIL which my niece outgrew. I have stopped letting Yakee wear that because his feet got blistered from that connecting thingie at the sides. I thought that model was just too narrow for his feet.

Many weeks passed and there were no repeats.

And then, around two weeks ago, I noticed that my son's feet have grown again because his size 24 shoes just fits him right. And suddenly, the brown pair has to be worn with the heel straps on top. And then he gets blistered with the red pair. Then he's taken to wearing each one with the heel straps on top, more as slip on slippers... and I saw that his feet are starting to show signs of blistering again with the orange pair (the only one he likes wearing now, he wouldn't wear the blue one anymore because his cousin has the exact pair and he can't quite grasp that they each have their own pair). I wonder if not wearing the straps is actually causing the friction this time because I am positive they're not too narrow for his feet. Or maybe I should check again. Sigh.

Or since I let him put them on himself, I wonder if wearing them wrong sometimes is causing the friction. That and too much jumping and dancing around!

Now I am more scared of getting him regular slippers because he just might have gotten my uber sensitive feet!

But he's really gotten very spoiled with this kind of footwear... he usually refuses real shoes. Plus, it hurts me too when he's wearing real shoes and starts kicking to be put down when we're out.

The Challenge of More Income Opportunities

I have recently invited more projects into my life, things that will take up my time. Two are writing gigs on top of my regular blogging load, two others are writing contests, and hopefully, more rakets in the facilitating/counseling field.

I am also bent on mastering Photoshop more to join my friend's party business.

And I am feeling how it's affecting Yakee. So even if I could ideally set aside every afternoon to be away from him and just 'work'... I can't and I don't. So now, am back to sleeping with him at around 10 or 11 PM and waking up an hour or so after and then working till the wee hours of the morning. I actually need severe acne treatments again because of this. Thank God though that he still wakes up at 9 or 10 AM so although I feel tired and groggy, I still get some sleep. And i try spending his waking moments with him.

There is room for improvement though. Less TV time for him, for one thing. Which is why I'm tolerating more mess in the form of painting. Good luck to us both.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The End

It's the end of breastfeeding for my baby and me today. I know that he mostly just comfort nurses anyway and there are more days when he wouldn't even really nurse anymore, save for that time before getting out of bed in the morning.

He's really a grown boy now. And much as I love breastfeeding him, and believe my breast milk has protected him in more ways than one, I also know that we're really both ready to let go and move on.

I don't feel the sadness that much yet. For sure, it will hit me really after a day or two... or after a week without.

I just console myself that now, I need not worry about medicines am taking anymore, and that I can actually try slimming pills again, if I want to.

Maybe I'm ready because I know I gave my all to it before... that i've really done my part. Now, he just really has to eat a heavier breakfast.

Friday, February 12, 2010

PMS Mode

I am bingeing on Bread talk's cheese floss bread and royally craving squid. It was too late when I saw the Seafood Pinakbet and Bouillabaisse, I had already ordered grilled squid earlier. Sigh. I told hubs that now, I want to cook squid, squash and pork fat in shrimp paste. Yummy!!!

Hubs said that it could be a sign of pregnancy. I had to remind him that I never had cravings and an appetite when I was pregnant. And I had the pregnancy glow, didn't have to worry at all about my adult acne for nine months. So this is pre-menstrual syndrome at its worst and not pregnancy hormones.

Woe is me.

And to think I really want to lose weight already!

The Price of Me Time

Last Wednesday, I went to Divi to shop.

Yesterday, I went out for a while in the late afternoon to attend an HIV talk with friends in Makati.

This morning, I had to go and attend my former office's coop's general assembly so I could get my dividend payment. Then in the afternoon, I went to get a massage and browse books for hours.

Yakee was okay the whole day, but started throwing tantrums in the middle of eating doughnuts. Then it was about his play dough and he just kept going berserk over the littlest thing. Then hew refused to wash, or take a bath.

The only thing that put him back in a good mood was playing 'flying', wherein he's got his arms in front and I swoosh him around in my arms. He's not fat but he's not exactly light anymore. So I get tired. And he starts with the hissy fits again. So we play flying again.

I tell myself that I at least won't need any exercise equipment if this keeps up, but there is that chance that i'd also accidentally drop him. Hehe.

That's the price of ME time usually with Yakee... he somehow really makes me wish I never left the house.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

P300 Worth of Glow Sticks

Times are hard and I really should spend my money wisely. But I went to Divisoria yesterday and spent P300 on glowsticks. I only bought the local canister (P70) but I bought ten glowstick glasses and four glowstick headbands. All because I was expecting to see a lot of hubby's nieces and nephews and they're really, really fun.

I also bought twelve stickers at P11 each. And other arts and crafts stuff to give to the girls as part if their birthday present. And some P5 booklets that will be a great resource for my other niece and nephew.

i really should either go to Divisoria more often... or not at all. Hehe.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Summer Is Near!!!

Yakee is already talking a lot about swimming. And for sure, my SILs and I will be padding MIL's garage flooring on weekends again, to let the kids take a dip at will.

I have also been scouting for new swimming trunks for my little boy. I'm thinking of buying him a suit so his back will be covered but I also feel that some sun on his torso is good for him. Classes at the Bert Lozada Baby and Me Class are usually held before 10 AM anyway and only lasts for 30 minutes, and my MIL's garage is covered enough by this big mango tree.



Summer is near but I am in no hurry for the heat. Thank God that despite the really bright sun, the air and water are still cool enough. But am sure, by end of February, things will already start to go humid in every possible way.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Yesterday at Serendra

I was sitting with friends at the fountain area near Serendra yesterday while waiting for hubs. Two toddlers who couldn't have been more than a year and half years old decided to break away from their Moms. They looked Hispanic. One of the tots tumbled down and instead of coming to her boy, the Mom just called him and proceeded to return to the stroller she was pushing.

I commented about it to my new friend, saying that Indians are the same with their kids, whereas Filipino moms hover and clutch and hold onto their kids. We tend to run after them, run along with them and fall all over them scolding and comforting them when they get hurt. It's that hovering that makes Filipino kids clingy and scared to strike out on their own.

Needless to say, despite the tumble, the tot didn't cry.

Fast forward to around ten minutes later. Same tot was crying and his mother was trying to carry him as she was laughing fit to bursting. Why? It seems the toddler missed his footing and fell backwards into the fountain. He was dripping from head to foot and his Mom couldn't stop from laughing. I didn't think he was hurt, most probably it was the surprisd of falling and the cold water that got him crying.

The Mom just changed him without fussing over him. Soon enough, he did stop crying but decided to stay in his stroller instead. Cool mom eh? :)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Proud About Yakee's Teeth

First of all, I think he got our teeth... which is mostly straight.

And then there's the fact that I breastfed him, so I know his teeth are strong and healthy and not exposed to sugar.

And I was really strict with offering sweets. I let Yakee have chocolate once in a while, and ice cream and cake when we have them, but candies are only allowed when we're in a party somewhere.

And I have been relatively vigilant about brushing ever since he got his teeth at four months.

So yes, the dentist saying his teeth are just fine and wonderful was validation of my efforts!!! I am really happy and proud. Hopefully, I can raise him taking care of his teeth. I don't want him ending up like me!

But well, points go to Yakee as well for not having a sweet tooth. Hehe.

Entrepreneuring Moms Need Laptops

BIL just bought SIL a laptop of her own so that she can pursue her entrepreneurial endeavors even as she stays home. I know other moms are either buying or getting their own spouses to consider hp laptops or netbooks as business investments as more and more moms I know go into paid blogging and work-from-home ventures like transcribing and virtual assisting.

The same goes for me. I was gifted with an MSI U200 (?) last December by hubby. And now, I am learning more Photoshop so that I can join my friend in her party planning business as invite/tarp layout artist. :)

More opportunities await those who have connectivity at their fingertips!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Giving Timeouts Another Try

Before, timeouts worked with my child. And then he started just throwing more tantrums there and I guess I got more busy so spanking was it. On good days, I could warn him that spanking will be a consequence... on bad, I go from zero to ten in tolerance and patience.

I spanked him twice going to Enchanted Kingdom last Saturday because he kept being naughty at the back of the car (and I was with him there!) and kept on kicking me. After the second spanking, he did settle down and managed to sleep in the makeshift bed we made for him. Hopefully, this is the beginning of us getting him to sit properly there...

But today I gave timeout another go. So far, so good (to think I lack sleep!). Heaven bless me with great love to do the right things by him.