Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Week of Better Sleep

Hubs bought a new bed frame last week and it's been a week of better sleep for us. It was especially wonderful for me to be able to get up while Yamee's sleeping, to pee or cuddle up with Yakee in his bed, without the bed creaking and rocking which wakes Yamee up.

Now, our mattress lies firm and flat, just like Yakee's.

Sometimes, the sleep gets so good though that I don't wake up to Yamee's whimpering. Hehe.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Sick Mommy

The month-long allergic rhinitis and uhm, chocolate binge has resulted in sinusitis that needs antibiotic treatment. If I wasn't having bad headahes already, I wouldn't mind going drug-free but the family's quality of life is being affected really bad by me being sick. So, to the doctor I went yesterday.

Meanwhile, I am struggling keeping up with Yamee's changing routines. Now, he's back to crying in the wee hours and insisting on chatting!

Cute Craft Gifts

I was just browsing the net when I landed on Laurel Burch prints over at Krafty Kats Curiosity Shop. It is an amazing gallery of totes (from small ones to travel ones), earrings (a lot of dangling ones), cloisonne pins, cosmetic bags and t-shirts. I found the designs cute and just perfect to give as gifts to people who like cute stuff (little girls), or unique ones, or cats.

You see, a lot of the prints are cats. A lot of the earrings are also of cats so cat-lovers in your life are sure to be delighted by these. I especially liked the Keshire Cat drop earrings in mauve and silver. Oh and they also had a lot of Christmas stuff, from tree hangings to Christmas bears and table decor. Check out the standing fairies!

They even have Hello Kitty (well duh, she is a cat!). How cool is that?

Anyway, I can see the standing fairies beside a little girl's bedside lamp. And wouldn't a Christmas tree filled with different kinds of cute cats look real nice? And I think, these trinkets can really make for fab gifts to moms. Especially if they are cat persons.

I used to be one, hehe. But now, it's all I can do raising two boys.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Poor Son

I was marvelling at how my son discovered the collapsible tool that hubby used before for all his installations at work.

Yakee would open it a little and see a castle in it, then he'd make it into the stool that it is. He even insisted on sitting on it. Unfortunately, it wobbled a little when he was shaking his head, refusing a bite of the cake I wa eating, and he fell forward. The stool hit his back and the straw hurt his mouth (he was drinking a strawberry milk in a tetra pack) and he cried.


Makes one imagine what trouble he'd get into with log furniture with all those uneven parts and holes, even branches.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A New Diet I Heard

I finally figured out why a cousin-in-law of mine has stopped asking "are diet pills effective?" It's because she's figured out a new diet that works for her.

Grapes and watermelon diet! Haha. At first glance, I was like, isn't that all sugar and water? And this cousin-in-law has hypertension problems. But she says she only eats about 1/4 kg of grapes per week and the rest is watermelons. She does get to eat normal fare on weekends, when she goes home to her family in the province. Her weight loss has been dramatic and at least, she hasn't been beset by her hypertension problems.

Now, I can eat watermelon easy but I know I can't take on this kind of diet since I am breastfeeding. Plus, am not sure it offers enough nutrients (then again, she does eat normally on weekends). At least the bananas and boiled eggs offer nutrients, I think, on a daily basis.

But breastfeeding gets me super hungry. Just this morning, I was literally shaking from hunger by the time I got to gulp down milk because Yamee was feeding all night and I pumped milk first before I had breaskfast.

But come February, diet I must, one way or another.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Good Mom In-Progress

When breastfeeding and not breastfeeding becomes a topic in one of my ygroups, one of the examples used to make the point that breastfeeding doesn't automatically make for good moms is that some breastfeeding moms scream at their other kids while breastfeeding.

I'm guilty as charged. I sometimes think Yamee is such an easy baby because he's already scared of my screaming. Haha.

I don't scream everyday and don't lose it with Yakee everyday but I have enough bad days in a week. And the presence or absence of my Mom can easily affect my son's moods, as well as the presence or absence of his father, and I am not always quick on the uptake. Disciplining is such a struggle for me and I actually hate to find myself screaming or using a really cold, threatening voice. I am still working on my calm, firm voice.

Yakee's disciplining needs are changing every week. Just when I've learned how to handle one issue, another one arises and I am struggling again. I also hate the times when I find myself wanting control instead of real discipline.

I just texted hubs I am thinking of letting our son starve for a day since he's lately become real unmanageable during feeding times. It is the natural, logical consequence of not eating properly and making it hard for people feeding him anyway.

I think I'm a good enough Mom, despite my temper, lack of consistency with my discipline and lack of flexibility and resourcefulness when it counts. But I really hope there'd be more days when I can say I am a good Mom. Then again, maybe it's really when they're grown that I can say whether I did good or not.

Heaven knows I love my kids. But I think I have also been parenting out of fear... fear that they won't grow up good, which may make me hard on them when I don't have to be. And parents parenting out of fear is not good.

Feb Is Near

I am depressed over something, and the past few days of not being able to sleep at night isn't helping. But as a result, I have made Snickers and Maltesers my friend.

I have told myself I'd start exercising in February, to prepare me for the milkshake marathon and also help me lose weight while also breastfeeding. I just might have to also research up diet plans that work that won't affect my milk supply to make up for the chocolate binges of this month. But I have actually lost more than 30 lbs. already since I gave birth so all the breastfeeding just really needs some boost and I'd lose more weight for sure.

And I really have to keep all the weight off!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Mom of Sons Can Still Have Fun

I don't have daughters I can buy tutus for... or really lavish with pink clothes.

I may never have a daughter I can wear matching outifts with.

But like what the Mom said in the Dogfish book, 'why not trying wanting what I have?' and I do have three dashing boys in my life I can dress up.

Well, I did not dress them up exactly but they all might just hate me for making them wear matching outfits, haha. But nobody can say that they're not cute in the getup.

Catching Up on Cyber Life

Since I was sick for a long time (my voice is actually still raspy at best) and enjoying sleep for a while, I let go of much of my cyber life. It was only this week that I reconnected with my fave forums and yahoogroups. At N@W, I browsed threads on breastfeeding, fever, security cameras, housing loan, travel and walkers. At Pex and Gtalk, I promoted my reviews of breastfeeding tops. On Facebook, I uploaded a family picture and caught up with what's going on in the lives of friends.

But now, I have to go back to working again.

Spring Cleaning

Because my sons were blessed with so many toys and things for the past two months, it's time again for some spring cleaning in our house. I also have to start throwing some of our other things like old luggages, bags, some books and magazines, bottles, cables, even cell phone cases for phones we no longer use. I also have to audit Yamee's clothes again. I just gave away his newborn stuff (the mittens and tie-side shirts) but as I was squeezing him in a sleeper suit just now, I realized that he's really outgrown more clothes.

I also have to rearrange the books and make room for more books if I really plan to start Yakee on a more structured learning experience come February.

Wish me luck!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Mom of Two

I have been feeling that I am a Mom of two since I got pregnant and had to balance my pregnancy woes with my son's needs (and failing half the time). But it became really apparent to me when I got confined in the hospital and had to entrust my son's care with my MIL.

I felt it again when I gave birth and was sufering from post-delivery pains. And when I was crying because I couldn't hold a sleeping Yakee in the car as he slept because I was nursing Yamee, my heart was really, really broken.

But it's not all sadness and tears. Watching Yakee love Yamee makes me happiest of all. And I really cannot imagine not having Yamee.

But how is a mom of two like?

I won't say it's double the stress, although both kids vying for your attention can drive you to tears (or to curse, hehe), because you also learn to let go of more things. And you learn fast which child really needs you more at that moment. So yes, I've let both kids bawl while I was attending to the other. I just think of the big picture and remind myself that just because they're crying doesn't mean they aren't loved. Don't I worry about trauma and them growing up insecure? Sure, I do. But again, I tell myself that I love them and they just really have to learn to share my time and energy.

It is double the laundry though, haha. And I really need a big pack of wipes wherever I go.

It is true, what they also say, that as you have more children, you let go of more things. With Yakee, I logged his morning and evening temperature and the number of feedings and poop and wet diapers for a year. With Yamee, I stopped logging his temp when his older brother was sick. And now, I even fail to properly log his feeds and poops.

I was also more OC about alcohol with Yakee. No one could hold him without disinfecting first. I just insisted on alcohol with Yamee the first week. Haha. I'm also just generally less OC with cleanliness with Yamee. I only used Cetaphil on Yakee for his first six months, or Lactacyd... but I have used the Huggies wash cloths on Yamee already. I also sometimes use Human Heart Nature baby wash to wash Yamee's bum, something I'd never think to do with Yakee before. I am also less careful with how I carry and handle Yamee. I don't mean I'm also being negligent, just that I now know they won't break easily.

I breastfed Yakee and I'm breastfeeding Yamee... but I also find myself okay with the idea that should it come to it, I'd give formula to Yamee without feeling like a failure. I mean, with Yakee before, just the suggestion of doing it made me feel like my life was being threatened. With Yamee, since I know more about breastfeeding and parenting, and my supply is better, I know that it won't be so easy to make me fail in breastfeeding.

I let Yakee wore rompers till he was over two, because I considered him a baby till I got preggy again. Now, however, I sort of can't wait for Yamee to strut in big kid stuff, which is why I adored the polo shirts SIL gave him. I am so eager for him and his Kuya to be wearing the same outfit or at least, strutting the same look. Just today, he and Yakee and hubby wore similar shirts and it's in black. I never let Yakee wear dark colors when he was an infant for fear of missing a bug crawling on him.

One other thing that's changed for me is the intensity in which I defend both, especially to people comparing. Then again, I compare them too, amazed at their growing differences and sentimental with the things they have in common.

One more thing about letting go... I am more open to outside help. Where before, I insisted on caring for Yakee 24/7, now, I have no problems (especially guilt) about passing Yamee to my in-laws or my Mom or cousin to grab more sleep or have special time with Yakee. I now even pump more because I leave Yamee behind more. Well, partly because I do want him to bond with my Mom too.

And yes, I am more vigilant about ME time. And about taking care of myself. I have even learned to nurse in the side-lying position to get more sleep (so yeah, the down side is I might not lose as much weight as I did with Yakee because I have been sleeping for most of the nine days into this new year). Then again, Yamee actually allows us to sleep. Yakee never did. Lolz.

My main pet peeve now? Having people try to discipline Yakee by using Yamee... you know, in ways that I believe fosters rivalry and jealousy. Yakee might not feel it some times but I am fiercely careful about that because I really don't want him feeling displaced... or to grow up with the notion that having a sibling is bad.

There are so many other things that has changed because I'm now a Mom of two. But given how I am evolving, I still cannot imagine being a Mom of three. I really don't think I have the energy and grace for it.

Sorting Out Pics

I have backlogs when it comes to sharing, uploading and even printing out our pictures. Coming from a holiday season and only just recovering, I really have tons of pictures to sort through and back up. One of the ways I archive them is to upload them, so that if my laptop and trusted external hard disk crashes, the most important pics are already safe on the internet.

I should make use of the magic of laser printers though and print some of the pictures for my Mom and mother-in-law since they don't really have cyber lives but are the greatest fans of my sons.

Have you made sense of all the pictures you took yet? :)

Friday, January 7, 2011

Mommy Fail

I am still sick.

But I have been relatively enjoying sleep since the new year, till I decided to open my laptop last night. I ended up sleeping around 6 AM again, which got me crabby and short with Yakee (who's being a little difficult from missing his father)... and I just woke up around 20 minutes ago.

My firstborn probably couldn't wake me up so he went to his Ninang on his own. He seldom left our bedroom without me, and usually only when his father is here.

I don't deserve my son's forgiveness for being a bad mommy earlier but am grateful for it. And thank God Yamee is a relatively easy baby these days.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Mom Still Down

Sometimes, I really wonder how things will be if I totally wreck my vocal chords and lose my voice. It breaks my heart that Yakee has been asking for stories or songs and I can't give in.

All that's left I have to comfort him is my caresses to put him to sleep. We can't sing songs. I can't read him the new books given to us... I have a hard time answering his questions and making explanations, as well as calling his attention or correcting the people around me (he's been going around saying his nose is 'running')... sigh.

Please let me get well soon, God. Or is this part of my diet regimen for the year?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Ending the Year with Tears

Yakee was overstimulated when he went grocery-shopping with hubby and my in-laws. He was super hyper that he didn't want to sleep and I had to enforce a nap since New Year was up and we'd all be up till the wee hours.

In the midst of his tantrums, my boy dared to willfully kick me in the breat area.

I flipped. I spanked him, got the toy he wanted to play with, packed all his other toys and declared to his father that the toys are on timeout and I am giving our son what he was screaming for, to leave him alone.

Then I cried. I cried till after we've heard Mass.

I was just so upset about my son still not handling his temper better, and me not being able to control myself too. Mind you, I consider my breasts sacred and that's really what got to me. There was a flashing "how dare you hurt the breasts that fed you and the breasts that are feeding your brother now" sign in my head for a few moments. And my allergies and lack of sleep are not to blame entirely... I am just really a work-in-progress and my progress as a parent has been slow.

Yakee and I sort of made up around New Year, when he asked for the trumpet and did not go berserk anymore when we refused him his other toys. He understood he crossed a line and jumped his way into the New Year.


Just in case Yakee thinks that am just always going mental on him... or that he spent his preschooler years in a tantrum haze... I'd like to say that most days, he minds what Mommy says and Mommy can pretty much understand where he's coming from. Sometimes, I am also able to head off a tantrum from coming. Or at least, handle it better... like that one at the Vietnamese restaurant where Yakee was screaming and crying his head off. I just restrained him in my lap and kept telling him to cry all he wanted and the tantrum lost its thunder in no time. We did not even have to exchange hurtful words.

And for the life of me, I really don't know where Yakee got his "leave me alone" wailings of late. Sigh.

New Year, Same Security Issues

It's a new year, folks... but my security issues as a stay-at-home Mom are the same. I've sort of gotten a free insurance quote from my friend and it seems hubs has also been talking to one of his friends. Our friends are agents, or life planners, from different insurance companies.

So hubs and I have started to compare quotes. We are leaning towards the one offered by his friend since we can use it as collateral for a home loan, which is really something I want to make happen this year. I know money for the housing loan won't just fall off a tree right into our pockets but gosh, oh gosh, I really hope we can finally make that happen!!! Incidentally, I've just realized that getting a home loan this year will not necessarily mean we will be transferring to our own home. Oh, but gosh, do I really want to move out of parents' home already!

We've also been going back and forth about getting an education plan for the kids or not. Our friends also offer these and mine even gave me an insurance explanation of what they offer. I am, however, dubious as to the practicality of getting an education plan since most usually aren't enough to cover tuition fees anymore by the time you need them. Then again, it's not like we have enough funds for investing in T-bills or something like that.

Hubs' company at least covers minimum health insurance but we also should address our health issues so we won't ever need to use our HMO cards. Like right now, it sucks to have been sick all throughout the holidays.

And insurance payments for our car is also up. But hey, you can't bargain with security, right?