When breastfeeding and not breastfeeding becomes a topic in one of my ygroups, one of the examples used to make the point that breastfeeding doesn't automatically make for good moms is that some breastfeeding moms scream at their other kids while breastfeeding.
I'm guilty as charged. I sometimes think Yamee is such an easy baby because he's already scared of my screaming. Haha.
I don't scream everyday and don't lose it with Yakee everyday but I have enough bad days in a week. And the presence or absence of my Mom can easily affect my son's moods, as well as the presence or absence of his father, and I am not always quick on the uptake. Disciplining is such a struggle for me and I actually hate to find myself screaming or using a really cold, threatening voice. I am still working on my calm, firm voice.
Yakee's disciplining needs are changing every week. Just when I've learned how to handle one issue, another one arises and I am struggling again. I also hate the times when I find myself wanting control instead of real discipline.
I just texted hubs I am thinking of letting our son starve for a day since he's lately become real unmanageable during feeding times. It is the natural, logical consequence of not eating properly and making it hard for people feeding him anyway.
I think I'm a good enough Mom, despite my temper, lack of consistency with my discipline and lack of flexibility and resourcefulness when it counts. But I really hope there'd be more days when I can say I am a good Mom. Then again, maybe it's really when they're grown that I can say whether I did good or not.
Heaven knows I love my kids. But I think I have also been parenting out of fear... fear that they won't grow up good, which may make me hard on them when I don't have to be. And parents parenting out of fear is not good.