I have been feeling that I am a Mom of two since I got pregnant and had to balance my pregnancy woes with my son's needs (and failing half the time). But it became really apparent to me when I got confined in the hospital and had to entrust my son's care with my MIL.
I felt it again when I gave birth and was sufering from post-delivery pains. And when I was crying because I couldn't hold a sleeping Yakee in the car as he slept because I was nursing Yamee, my heart was really, really broken.
But it's not all sadness and tears. Watching Yakee love Yamee makes me happiest of all. And I really cannot imagine not having Yamee.
But how is a mom of two like?
I won't say it's double the stress, although both kids vying for your attention can drive you to tears (or to curse, hehe), because you also learn to let go of more things. And you learn fast which child really needs you more at that moment. So yes, I've let both kids bawl while I was attending to the other. I just think of the big picture and remind myself that just because they're crying doesn't mean they aren't loved. Don't I worry about trauma and them growing up insecure? Sure, I do. But again, I tell myself that I love them and they just really have to learn to share my time and energy.
It is double the laundry though, haha. And I really need a big pack of wipes wherever I go.
It is true, what they also say, that as you have more children, you let go of more things. With Yakee, I logged his morning and evening temperature and the number of feedings and poop and wet diapers for a year. With Yamee, I stopped logging his temp when his older brother was sick. And now, I even fail to properly log his feeds and poops.
I was also more OC about alcohol with Yakee. No one could hold him without disinfecting first. I just insisted on alcohol with Yamee the first week. Haha. I'm also just generally less OC with cleanliness with Yamee. I only used Cetaphil on Yakee for his first six months, or Lactacyd... but I have used the Huggies wash cloths on Yamee already. I also sometimes use Human Heart Nature baby wash to wash Yamee's bum, something I'd never think to do with Yakee before. I am also less careful with how I carry and handle Yamee. I don't mean I'm also being negligent, just that I now know they won't break easily.
I breastfed Yakee and I'm breastfeeding Yamee... but I also find myself okay with the idea that should it come to it, I'd give formula to Yamee without feeling like a failure. I mean, with Yakee before, just the suggestion of doing it made me feel like my life was being threatened. With Yamee, since I know more about breastfeeding and parenting, and my supply is better, I know that it won't be so easy to make me fail in breastfeeding.
I let Yakee wore rompers till he was over two, because I considered him a baby till I got preggy again. Now, however, I sort of can't wait for Yamee to strut in big kid stuff, which is why I adored the polo shirts SIL gave him. I am so eager for him and his Kuya to be wearing the same outfit or at least, strutting the same look. Just today, he and Yakee and hubby wore similar shirts and it's in black. I never let Yakee wear dark colors when he was an infant for fear of missing a bug crawling on him.
One other thing that's changed for me is the intensity in which I defend both, especially to people comparing. Then again, I compare them too, amazed at their growing differences and sentimental with the things they have in common.
One more thing about letting go... I am more open to outside help. Where before, I insisted on caring for Yakee 24/7, now, I have no problems (especially guilt) about passing Yamee to my in-laws or my Mom or cousin to grab more sleep or have special time with Yakee. I now even pump more because I leave Yamee behind more. Well, partly because I do want him to bond with my Mom too.
And yes, I am more vigilant about ME time. And about taking care of myself. I have even learned to nurse in the side-lying position to get more sleep (so yeah, the down side is I might not lose as much weight as I did with Yakee because I have been sleeping for most of the nine days into this new year). Then again, Yamee actually allows us to sleep. Yakee never did. Lolz.
My main pet peeve now? Having people try to discipline Yakee by using Yamee... you know, in ways that I believe fosters rivalry and jealousy. Yakee might not feel it some times but I am fiercely careful about that because I really don't want him feeling displaced... or to grow up with the notion that having a sibling is bad.
There are so many other things that has changed because I'm now a Mom of two. But given how I am evolving, I still cannot imagine being a Mom of three. I really don't think I have the energy and grace for it.