Men Aren't Idiots

There was a time in my life when I thought that men were idiots... that they were pretty much useless without women raising them challenging them, supporting them and lifting them up. I was that kind of 'feminist' for a while... and I 'hated' them a little bit for being 'mean' to women throughout history.

But somewhere along the way, I grew up. I started preferring to be called a humanist. I started getting to know more and more men who are great husbands and fathers and sons.

And then, I married the gentlest, most loving man ever.

And then, we had boys.

So, on one hand, I have embraced that men and women are innately different from one another. Where we lament a man's inability to multi task, men lament the fact that our efforts don't result in greatness because our concentration is always divided. Where we lament their inability to express emotions, they lament that we have made it a sport.

And then, somewhere down the line, it became cool for women to be into 'manly pursuits' (like gaming) and men pursued nurturing roles (like babywearing).

But more importantly, as friends have made me realize and pointed out... I cannot call men idiots because I married one. And I am a mother of sons who will grow up to be men, and I don't want any woman out there thinking they're too good for my sons. Because I know my sons... they are good boys and they were loved. And I struggle everyday to raise them right.

***

On that note... tonight ended horribly for us all. Both kids have been very disobedient since yesterday... there have been falls (Yamee), spanking (both), lots of withdrawn privileges... and tears... and sleeplessness.

Sigh.

If I am wrong, God, make my heart right.

Accidents Will Happen

First,  I heard the sound of a chair falling, then followed by things, then the sound of Yamee crying. Then, I saw blood on his legs and started panicking inside. Then there was more blood on his chin. I saw a spoon beside him and thought he must have fallen while playing with the spoon, and the spoon cut him up somehow.

I was ready to rush him to the hospital... silently bracing myself to take the blame for this accident... when I had the presence of mind to make him gargle. There wasn't blood anymore after the second time he spat out the water so I inspected him some more. It turned out, he cut his inner cheek and that was the only source of blood. And after wiping all the blood up, he was playing again.

He did keep whining about his runny nose, but that's all. And Kuya, feeling a little responsible (after I pointed out to him that though brothers help each other, he really musn't ask Yamee to do things he can do for himself since Yamee is younger... see, he asked Yamee to get the dropper he dropped, and Yamee miscalculated his jump) called Yamee to read to him and draw with him. He was even generous enough to let Yamee break one of the twistable crayons.

Sigh.

That was lunch. When Yamee fell off the bike that his older brother decided to pull up, I was really ready to research threaded studs and bolts and use them on my sons... or at least, my youngest.

Sigh.

Heaven knows I love both my boys and I don't want to raise Yamee with a victim complex... and Yakee with the notion that he's a hurtful, careless child. But heaven also knows how I can better teach Yakee to be more thoughtful where his brother is concerned...

A January FB Status

Most people think the sun rises from the east and sets in the west.

Most moms know the sun rises and sets from their children.

The amazing thing is both are right.

Love you my little froggy and dino... Here's to another year of striving to parent you better.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Little darlings, know that Mommy is always trying her best.

Breaking Down

Haha... notice the pun? Well, for a while there, I did feel a little undead... as if life has been sucked out of me.

Sigh.

I broke down and cried to hubs. I still think it was mostly hormones (got a bad headache) that resulted in kids acting up and me not wanting to deal and everything just going downhill from there. I had to spank Yakee (and make sure it hurt) for talking back because I threatened on throwing all the toys they were refusing to pack away. I admit, I have been a little permissive with the talking back, because I generally try to understand where he's coming from and keep in mind that he just needs to learn to express frustrations better. Still, and it will seem unfair to Yakee, he has to be kept in line otherwise his younger brother would follow suit... and before I know it, I might have to smack two mouths instead of one.

I texted hubs that next time Yakee does it (with malice), I will really wash his mouth and he will be banned from our bedroom for maybe two nights. That prompted hubs to go home with a feeling of dread because he thought that was happening tonight. Hahaha. Over dinner, he suggested timeout from toys but I said that it's not a logical consequence for talking back and being very disrespectful. He has to feel that I felt disrespected and hurt and such feelings resulting from his behavior will put him on timeout away from the nurturing space of our bedroom and nightly rituals.

Yakee did say sorry and we did try to process what happened... and we did end the day in a loving note.

Anyway... I broke down after looking around and seeing our home so messy and dirty and in disarray. Haha, yes, I cannot have stressed that enough. And earlier, I was also faced with having to do laundry and I just felt so tired and useless. So, I broke down.

I decided to sleep everything off and was probably asleep by 10 pm... but woke up at past 2 am. I ended up cleaning downstairs, setting things and toys to right (man, I'd love to have those video wall mounts and more hanging shelves that I need not sweep around) and making sure the boys can freely roll around the floor again later.

Sigh.

Still A Mom

Just not much of a blogging mom lately though.

I  just don't have the energy!!! Chores and policing the boys occupy my days that I even feel sometimes that I can't breathe. Sigh.

But the past few days have been better than most days, despite my eczema acting up and having to run errands with the boys to banks and payment centers. I have learned to let them settle their battles more, insist on cleanup and not shout as much. I am trying to pander to their respective emotional/moral development to make my discipline more effective.

But I think, in the end, what really helped calm me down was hubby asking... HOW DO I DO IT? Spend my days with them, with the same and different issues, attend to their needs, attend to chores, etc.

My response was... well, they have to be done and nobody else will do it.

So, I do it. Not perfectly, and not even really well. I just do what I can.

Hopefully though I can improve fast so I can really integrate more structure and homeschooling into our days.