Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Neglectful Momma

On one hand, by a stroke of luck... we suddenly have a new helper again. And she seems to be very industrious. Since I don't have very high expectations from helpers, I already find her a gem. Hopefully, she stays long with us and doesn't ever steal from us.

And... my cousin, who will do repairs in our home, is already here with his family. So, the boys are actually feverishly happy that we have guests :) They have not even come to me for anything since they woke up.

But... I have been a very neglectful Mom. I am consumed with this desire for time alone. PMS? Depression? Both? Sigh.

I have been a slave of my phone and tablet too... much to the dismay of the kids. Somebody bop me in the head. Part of me thinks it's because we will be enrolling soon... haha, I know, that reason again. But June is coming and expectations over results is threatening my inner equilibrium...

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Breaking Mean Bones, Breaking Hearts

About two weeks ago... I heard Yamee cry in pain. I'm a mom who can differentiate cries, after all.

Yakee told me that Yamee poured hot water over himself. I saw the reddish skin. I asked Yakee to tell me thr truth about what happened, and he insisted on his story. So, I started scolding Yamee... telling him that I did tell him the water was hot (they were steaming) and asked him who got the hot water. He immediately pointed to his brother. I asked him who poured hot water over him. He again pointed to his brother. I asked him what Kuya used, and he pointed to the shampoo cap.

That night, Yakee got spanked for hurting, lying and disobeying (because I asked him to tell me the truth). He was also deprived of screen time for two days, and wasn't read to for two nights. Those were important to him so we thought withdrawing those would bring home the lesson more.

Unfortunately, it didn't.

Earlier tonight, I heard Yamee cry again... Yakee told me his brother hurt his chin on the chair. As I was comforting Yamee, I asked where it hurts so I could kiss it. He pointed to his nostril. I asked why would his nose hurt, he immediately pointed to his brother.

Yakee was profuse with SORRYs for lying and hurting his brother... and I carted Bunso away because I couldn't handle Yakee yet.

Later, when he would try to talk to me, I would just tell him I wasn't ready to talk to him. He started getting teary and asked, "You don't like me anymore?"

So... I asked my N@W support group for inputs. I wanted to heavily punish Yakee because I really didn't want him lying... plus, I felt Yamee had to be avenged somehow. I felt... I was both their Mom and had to be fair. But I also knew Yakee is only 5 and will learn these lessons in virtue in increments. What was I going to do? What was a natural, logical consequence to the lying and hurting?

My friends reminded me to use stories and extend my grace. I told hubs we should talk about the discipline first... and agreed that withdrawing privileges do not really work with Yakee, and that we're better off appealing to his emotions.

So, after bath... we spanked Yakee because we promised him it would happen when he lies again. And we do not lie. We also keep our promises. But we hugged him and talked to him. We showed him a picture of a child with a bleeding nose and discussed how we're sure he doesn't want that to happen to his brother, who he loves. We explained again that we love him and have to train him to be good. And then hubs told him I will show him what happens when he lies.

I cut up 4 hearts, wrote our names and posted them on our wall while saying... "Pappie doesn't lie and he loves Mommy best. They do not lie to each other so their hearts are close. They love Yamee and do not lie to Yamee and Yamee does not lie to them so their hearts are close. They love Yakee too but because of reasons that are his own, Yakee lied and thought only of himself... Which moved his heart away from the family."

I really  cried while doing this, and hubs took advantage by asking Yakee if he can see how sad I am because he lied... so Yakee also cried buckets while I held him. Then hubby posted Yakee's heart about 2 inches away from ours. to serve as a reminder  to our poor eldest in  the coming days of what lying and hurting does to a family. Hope it works.

We made sure to tell him we love him and that it's because we love that makes us serious and committed to raising him good.

We also cried while praying, and Pappie was hugging Yakee as our child cried. Yakee was wiping tears till I tucked him in bed.

And both of us parents couldn't sleep after.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Balik Bukid Country Fair on the 28th

Are we going or are we not going?


I am a little wary of the summer heat and would much prefer the November one... but I can't stop thinking of Isobel's ice cream plus the chance to just let the kids be outdoors and in nature again.

Where else can the boys play jockey without need of horse riding apparel?

Hopefully, the money I am missing was just really misplaced so that we'll have budget for this. Plus, I think Yakee would love to see old friends there.

No Way, No!

U.N. Report Advocates Teaching Masturbation to 5-Year-Olds

While I am sure this isn't as sensational as it reads right now... there are still several things that I find seriously wrong about this picture.

First... I believe in sex education but I also believe in letting children be children. I know kids go through a phallic stage but I would rather teach better gendering (how not to be so rough for boys, and how to be more active for girls) to kids rather than teach them about ideas like masturbation (unless asked). I would rather they are taught of social graces and responsibilities, rather than where to get safe abortions. 

Second... though I understand the real tragedy that is HIV/AIDS and other reproductive health issues compromising the health and welfare of women and children, I really don't think one can teach about sexual responsibility without a proper value framework. Sure, using religion sometimes turn more people off from safer sex practices and sexual responsibility BUT you really can't be tackling ideas without it being in the context of values, priorities and what dignifies a human being.

Third... I would rather parents are taught to properly address their children's questions because they then can be better parents to all their children. Wouldn't that be more cost effective in the long run as well? 

Fourth... thinking of marginalized people with no education, support and options... what would concepts mean to them? How is a child of 8 who knows about abortions be saved from premarital sex, promiscuity and abuse? All they'd know is that there is a concept like abortion and it might provide a 'solution' to whatever happened to them.


So, no... no way, no!


I seriously hope this isn't their answer to this GIRL EFFECT MOVEMENT