Thursday, April 18, 2013

Breaking Mean Bones, Breaking Hearts

About two weeks ago... I heard Yamee cry in pain. I'm a mom who can differentiate cries, after all.

Yakee told me that Yamee poured hot water over himself. I saw the reddish skin. I asked Yakee to tell me thr truth about what happened, and he insisted on his story. So, I started scolding Yamee... telling him that I did tell him the water was hot (they were steaming) and asked him who got the hot water. He immediately pointed to his brother. I asked him who poured hot water over him. He again pointed to his brother. I asked him what Kuya used, and he pointed to the shampoo cap.

That night, Yakee got spanked for hurting, lying and disobeying (because I asked him to tell me the truth). He was also deprived of screen time for two days, and wasn't read to for two nights. Those were important to him so we thought withdrawing those would bring home the lesson more.

Unfortunately, it didn't.

Earlier tonight, I heard Yamee cry again... Yakee told me his brother hurt his chin on the chair. As I was comforting Yamee, I asked where it hurts so I could kiss it. He pointed to his nostril. I asked why would his nose hurt, he immediately pointed to his brother.

Yakee was profuse with SORRYs for lying and hurting his brother... and I carted Bunso away because I couldn't handle Yakee yet.

Later, when he would try to talk to me, I would just tell him I wasn't ready to talk to him. He started getting teary and asked, "You don't like me anymore?"

So... I asked my N@W support group for inputs. I wanted to heavily punish Yakee because I really didn't want him lying... plus, I felt Yamee had to be avenged somehow. I felt... I was both their Mom and had to be fair. But I also knew Yakee is only 5 and will learn these lessons in virtue in increments. What was I going to do? What was a natural, logical consequence to the lying and hurting?

My friends reminded me to use stories and extend my grace. I told hubs we should talk about the discipline first... and agreed that withdrawing privileges do not really work with Yakee, and that we're better off appealing to his emotions.

So, after bath... we spanked Yakee because we promised him it would happen when he lies again. And we do not lie. We also keep our promises. But we hugged him and talked to him. We showed him a picture of a child with a bleeding nose and discussed how we're sure he doesn't want that to happen to his brother, who he loves. We explained again that we love him and have to train him to be good. And then hubs told him I will show him what happens when he lies.

I cut up 4 hearts, wrote our names and posted them on our wall while saying... "Pappie doesn't lie and he loves Mommy best. They do not lie to each other so their hearts are close. They love Yamee and do not lie to Yamee and Yamee does not lie to them so their hearts are close. They love Yakee too but because of reasons that are his own, Yakee lied and thought only of himself... Which moved his heart away from the family."

I really  cried while doing this, and hubs took advantage by asking Yakee if he can see how sad I am because he lied... so Yakee also cried buckets while I held him. Then hubby posted Yakee's heart about 2 inches away from ours. to serve as a reminder  to our poor eldest in  the coming days of what lying and hurting does to a family. Hope it works.

We made sure to tell him we love him and that it's because we love that makes us serious and committed to raising him good.

We also cried while praying, and Pappie was hugging Yakee as our child cried. Yakee was wiping tears till I tucked him in bed.

And both of us parents couldn't sleep after.

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